I wish my penis had an off switch
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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