I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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