Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
