if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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