Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
