love makes seman taste better
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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