I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize