Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have demons in me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm at about main and main street
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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