Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
