I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Fuck appropriateness.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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