You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
