Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
