So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
