i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im holly from the hills drunk
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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