but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
