I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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