Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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