Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
