i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
