I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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