just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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