I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
there is glitter all over my balls
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
