Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
