I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
