it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We named our party play list daddy issues
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
