So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
