Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
