Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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