i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
