Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
