Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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