at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
