I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
