Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
