when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
