if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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