I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
