Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
