before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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