It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
