I just saw a hot homeless man
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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