either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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