you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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