people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
