whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
