good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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