Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
