nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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