90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
