I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
