Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
