So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize