so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
