I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
