i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
