I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
