ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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