I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
