In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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