I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
