Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
