Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
