i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
