There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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