the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
