She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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