well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
