You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
