the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My balls are so social today.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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