Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

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(203): View more from Connecticut

just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge

Fav 10 1330 7233
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(416): View more from Toronto

Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.

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(631): View more from New York

Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.

(423): View more from Tennessee

strike, motherfucker.

Fav 4 2504 910
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(850): View more from Florida

when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts

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(941): View more from Florida

im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester

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