I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
