The maid of honor just puked.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
