There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize