oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This baby is an asshole
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
