The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The maid of honor just puked.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
